Danie Roux

People person, change agent. Journeyer through problem and solution space. Interested in being interested.

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Declaring Crocker’s Rules

February 17th, 2013 · 2 Comments · personal

An experiment in getting direct feedback from people I trust.

„Declaring yourself to be operating by “Crocker’s Rules” means that other people are allowed to optimize their messages for information, not for being nice to you.“ – Lee Daniel Crocker.

I discovered Crocker’s Rules years ago. An explanation of the rules can be read on the LessWrong wiki.

When I declare the rules in a specific interaction, I use words along these lines:

Whatever you have to say, I will be ok. I will manage my own state, I will manage my own response. I value your feedback and I want more of it.

This has served me well and it is time to step it up.

I have started sending out this email to specific people whose feedback I actively want:


Dear <person>,

You are someone I trust.

It is important to me that you feel as free as possible to give me direct and continuous feedback on everything.

Therefor I am declaring Crocker’s Rules in your interaction with me.

Crocker’s rules state that I take full responsibility of my emotional state when we interact. This frees you from any consideration when you give me feedback.

The only thing I want from you is honest feedback. I will handle the consequences.

Please note that this is a one way street. I will continue to be considerate when you ask me for feedback.

Do you have feedback on this email?


Let’s see how this goes.

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2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Saint Wulf // Feb 19, 2013 at 21:54

    Finally!
    A term or rule that offers me a way to avoid getting lost in the babble of ‘Hallmark’ niceties instead of just getting straight to the point.

    Well done Crocker!

  • 2 Jacques de Villiers // Apr 24, 2013 at 21:37

    Hey Danie,

    Certainly a different take on getting feedback. I’ll consider trying it.

    Jacques

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