Kinds of Conversations

“Honestly, you are the only person I have these conversations with”, says a friend.

I don’t get invited to dinner parties.

Today’s realisation: These two things are linked.

I make a distinction between pleasure and joy 1.

Pleasure is to restore order to my being. To put back what was shaken all about during the day. It is the reason why the couch and TV looks so inviting after a long day.

Pleasure does not expand my being. If my being does not expand, it starts to shrink and I get sad.

Joy is to expand my being. Joy is to go to where it is uncomfortable, and stay there. To go to the edges and gently push.

Dinner parties are pleasurable. They are designed to reaffirm what is known, to be comfortable and to be safe.

Dinner parties squeeze out joy.


  1. Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is the book to read on this. [return]