Two needs: To belong, and to be authentic.
Conflicting needs, in a society built on shame. A shame driven society that enforces the group values, by withholding love when you step out of the norm.
As small humans, we have to belong, or we die. So we learn this lesson well: By suppressing our authentic selves, we will not be shamed, and we will have earned love.
As bigger humans, we are elephants held in place with a weak rope. Society is bigger than the shame-driven pockets we grew up in. We are bigger than the small set of group norms we had to belong to.
As bigger humans, after we learn what is authentic to us - then we can find our belonging.
And the conflict raging in us, will be resolved.